Hello, explorers! Our guest experience teams receive a plethora of out-of-this world inquiries, and when we’re occupying your universe, we do our best to answer them. Unfortunately, because we travel interdimensionally on a minute-to-minute basis, some of these questions go unanswered.
To start off 2023 on the right tentacle, we have put together a list of some frequently-asked questions, many of which we find a little bit strange. Y’all are weird, and we love it.
If you can’t find the answer to your question here, contact our team immediately and we will get back to you no later than August 4, 3010 (Because: you’ll see).
"Are you a boy or girl?"
“Random question - what is the brand of the sanitation product that you use? I smell it in the Quantum Stairwell, throughout Convergence Station, as well as at House of Eternal Return. I really like it. Can you share the name of the product with me?
We use a combination of Cherry Blitz, Natural Intentions, 404 Kleener, and Bog Water. Get into it.
"Are the toilets in Omega Mart real?"
Yes. Try them out and ignore the stares. However, if you’ve created additional toilets with your imagination, please don’t use them.
"If I am allergic to shrimp can I still visit Convergence Station"?
It’s perfectly safe, but we do suggest you put on our Whale Song deodorant to mitigate any potentially enchanting aromas. Also, don’t touch anything that screeches and try not to walk on the floors.
"What is the deal with the lemons?"
Unfortunately, some customers have confused Omega Mart lemons with lemons.
If you find an Omega Mart lemon in the wild, please return the item immediately and don’t look it directly in its eye. If a return is not possible, please bury the lemon 100 feet underground and at least 7,002 yards away from the nearest water source.
"What is your policy on shoes?"
We support all forms of footwear as long as they’re unbelievably fashionable and/or float on water/air.
"Where is the psychedelic room?"
"Where do we get the bowling shoes?"
The bowling alley is located through the dryer.
"Where is the bowling lane?"
"Where is the basement?"
The basement? What basement? Wait…are we in the basement right now? Help. Us.
"Is it true that there is a room where you can go into a crow’s mouth and come out its butt in an egg?"
Yes. But make sure you hold your breath when being hatched.
"Why do you guys have “DO NOT ENTER” signs?"
Some portals are more stable than others. This is for your safety.
"So what haven’t I seen yet?"
Identify what you have seen and work backwards. Here are 7 secret things you definitely missed at the House of Eternal Return.
"Can you help me find the room with lights?"
“Where is the art?”
Where isn’t it?
If you want to check out our full list of FAQs, here you go.