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Where are the bathrooms in this place?: A guide to real and unreal Meow Wolf bathrooms

A guide to an underrated, yet key facet of exploring the multiverse– bathrooms.

Imagine in the theater of the mind: me. Me, freshly 24 years old; me who had about a year under their belt as a docent at Meow Wolf; me who had no idea what was in store for my shift that day. Now click on my name and look at my profile photo? Is that the person you imagined? If it is - pause - and go buy some lotto tickets because that’s really buckwild.

Okay, now continue: I’m 24 years old, clocking in at 8am, I probably did not eat breakfast, probably did down a 16oz coffee, and I am working at House of Eternal Return. We open at 10am, everything is normal and cool and fine for a few hours, and then I smell it before I see it. A harrowed mother shamefully and quickly approaches me and, with flushed cheeks and a voice rife with contrition, says, “I am so sorry to tell you this but my son is potty training and he saw the toilet in the bathroom of the House and he dropped his pants and pooped in the toilet before we had time to stop him.”

I will not report how much I was being paid in 2018 to work as a docent in House of Eternal Return, but is anyone really able to financially quantify joyfully cleaning up toddler shit off of plexiglass?

This did inspire a lot of thinking over the years, about how realistic is too realistic? And what was the most common question I received while I was a docent? I will always remember the words: “where is the bathroom?”. This is a long-winded series of answers to that question. What is- and is NOT-  a bathroom in Meow Wolf? Where can I find the real bathroom? Where can I find the not-real bathroom? Can I pee in both? (absolutely not).

House of Eternal Return

What isn’t a bathroom?

A blue bathroom with black and white tiling and a wave in the flooring.
Photo: Lindsey Kennedy

The aforementioned toilet in the House, post-toddler poop cleanup of course.

A white clay cave with green, purple and yellow lighting.
Lead Artist: Mat Crimmins, Photo: Lindsey Kennedy

The Caves are definitely not bathrooms, don’t make Joyce clean it up.

A wooden house sits in a otherworldly forest with lights throughout.
Photo: Kate Russell

Don’t do it in the Forest! More of it is carpet moss than you realize!

What is a bathroom?

A white wall with black patterns on it and a door on the far left.
Photo: Amy Ero

We have some really cool bathrooms in the back, past the ticketing desk.

A merch shop in Meow Wolf Santa Fe with a door open in the back of the room.
Photo: Kate Russell

There is also a single stall in our gift shop!

Omega Mart

What is definitely not a bathroom?

An open cooler door that has a pathway leading into it.
Lead Artist: Emily Montoya, Photo: Atlas Media

The Omega Cooler? Why would you even pee in here, you sicko?

A room with projected screens and tessellating eyes and a dwelling in the back.
Lead Artists: Alex & Allyson Grey, Photo: Atlas Media

Even if you walk an acceptable distance from others in the Projected Desert, still do not do your biological business here.

A set of kiosks with circles on them and purple and yellow lights streaming from above.
Lead Artists: Eduard Llorens, Eloi Maduell, Playmodes Studio, Photo: Atlas Media

As much as I support a corporate office prank gone slightly too far, nobody from corporate is cleaning this, so what’s the point?

What is definitely a bathroom?

Omega Mart is truly replete with very cool, extremely functional bathrooms such as:

A restroom with drawings of black and white cave cartoons at the top.
Artist: Mary Sabo, Photo: Atlas Media

The Black n White Desert bathroom.

A colorful patterned wall with various shapes and designs.
Artist: Matt King, Photo: Atlas Media

This Untitled bathroom.

A black and white patterned restroom.
Artist: Pretty Done, Photo: Atlas Media

The Pretty Done bathroom.

A bathroom with pink blobs painted on the doors and walls.
Artist: Mila Mary, Photo: Atlas Media

The Lab bathroom.

A painting of a red rock and a human figure leaning against it.
Artist: JK Russ, Photo: Atlas Media

The Red Rock Metamorphosis bathroom.

A restroom with purple painted tentacles taking over the doors and walls.
Artist: JW Caldwell, Photo: Atlas Media

And the Tentacle Time bathroom. So many appropriate and pretty places for relief!

Convergence Station

Cannot pee in here!

A pink room with a dresser and lights to the right and a bookshelf in the back with knickknacks.
Lead Artists: Cecelia Kreider, Kyle Singer, Moss Lair, Photo: Kate Russell

The Sa Lawn is where you, and many others, get their hair done! Nasty.

A metal room with colorful orbs with little creatures inside.
Lead Artist: Farjana Ria Khan, Photo: Atlas Media

In the Galactic Autoquarium, ancient fish deities would be profoundly displeased with you peeing in the pool.

A collection of clay painted faces in orange, blue and pink with an opening in the mouth of the center being.
Lead Artist: Jess Webb, Photo: Atlas Media

It’s so small and intimate in the Womb Room, absolutely the hell not!!!!!

Can pee in here with reason

The front lobby of Convergence Station with white walls and the cafe in the distance.
Lead Artist: Sabin Aell, Photo: Kate Russell

The lobby restrooms are one of four optimal pee locations, just to the left of the reflective seating.

A lounge space with neon lights and white busts.
Photo: Michael Olmsted

Complete the cycle of beverages and the thing that comes after drinking a bunch of beverages at Sips (with a Z).

A room with pink lighting and different black and white wallpapering on the walls.
Lead Artist: Ramon Bonilla, Photo: Kate Russell

Gotta go after harvesting Mems? No problem, just past Aztec Camera is the Ossuary bathroom.

A hallway with pink lights around the walkway leading to a door.
Lead Artist: Collin Parson, Photo: Atlas Media

Follow the flashing everything in the Light Portal Hallway to your very specific portal.

The Real Unreal

The Unreal Bathrooms

A flower-patterned bathroom with an octopus hippo on the toilet.
Photo: Kate Russell

This may seem like a real bathroom in The Delaney House, but you’re in for a real rude awakening if you try to sit down.

A room with projected walls and mirrors showing a cloudy sky.
Lead Artist: Lance Ryan McGoldrick, Photo: Kate Russell

It’s dark and ambient here, but don’t get too crazy in the Crystal Cloud Cave.

A colorful building with neon tiling and walls.
Photo: Kate Russell

Dude, no.

The REAL Bathrooms

A row of bathroom stalls with one door open to a toilet.
Photo: Imani Thomas

This is a real bathroom located immediately to your right as you enter the exhibit. If you hit the cafe, you’ve gone too far. And if you hit stall 4, you haven’t gone far enough.

A toilet and sink with a red patterened wall.
Photo: Imani Thomas

Yes. This one is real too. And strict. No vaping.

Radio Tave

These are not bathrooms

A breakroom with a table and chairs and a refrigerator.
Photo: Atlas Media

The Radio Station Break Room may look like a real bathroom but something is…slightly off.

A character holds its hands on its face with two others playing instruments behind it.
Artist: Cole Wilson, Photo: Kate Russell

This may be the wild west, but a bathroom - it is not.

A desk with a computer sits in a sea of neon coral.
Photo: Jess Gallo

You know that red dye that happens if you pee in the public pool? We have that in here and it glows and yells, “HEY THIS GUY DID HIS BUSINESS IN HERE AS A GROWN ADULT!”

This is bathrooms

A colorful archway with a checkered wall underneath and a walka
Photo by Sandra Peck Ramsey

Near the purple wall photos in the lobby lies a bathroom. We recommend going before you leave this reality.

A bright colored patterned room with neon lights above.
Lead Artist: DUAL. Photo: Marco Torres

Located near Cowboix Hevvven, the Sound Garden is so soothing, you may want to stay til your legs go numb.

We hope this has been helpful as to what is and what is not a bathroom. Good luck, and happy hunting!