Overheard at Omega Mart:
Are these products for sale?
Can I actually eat this though?
What the hell is going on here?
We’ve already answered the first question, and we legally cannot answer the third one, so that leaves us with...can I eat this? And if IT’S YES, how does it taste?
We know it can be overwhelming perusing the aisles not knowing if you can purchase, what to purchase or what to expect when you do purchase. We’ve all held a tempting box of Oh! Those! and considered how the screws inside might taste only to realize that when you shake it, the box is actually empty. It’s easy to confuse the products at Omega Mart for real food which is why we’ve taken the liberty of trying a selection of products to ensure they’re both consumable and delicious!
In no particular order...
America’s forgotten vegetable becomes America’s favorite apple juice! Its consistency is thicker than you might expect, and the taste is reminiscent of cider made fresh at your favorite orchard.
Tastes like: Your favorite childhood apple
Recommended for: Zalg lovers of all ages! 🧃
We were already obsessed with this bottle’s artwork — created by Nico Salazar of Future Fantasy Delight — and the contents do not disappoint either. No dyes. No high-fructose corn syrup. Just the light and refreshing taste of thorny fruit flavor!
Tastes like: Damn, that’s good!
Recommended for: Taste buds that love to party! 🥳
We’ll admit to being hesitant about this one. The pickle lover in us was excited, but with words like “Gummy” and “Pickle” we had so many questions. What percentage of this was pickle? What percentage was gummy? Did it have an initial pickle crunch followed by a sweet, gummy chew?
As it turns out, it was all of none of the above. First, we attempted to split this pickle by cutting into it. 20 minutes later, we began to have regrets. Once it was finally cut into 3 pieces, the real journey began. It’s certainly chewy, so that part of the gummy promise was upheld. There was also a nice burst of pickle flavor in each chew, but it was mixed with an unexpected sour apple taste that really threw us off. Overall? Good for those who love pickles AND sour green apples, but if you’re not a fan of one or the other...you’re in for a long night.
Tastes like: Picklapples
Recommended for: Singles or couples that possess butcher knives 🍴because this was not an easy one to share
Available in-store only!
If you’ve ever walked through the aisles of Omega Mart, you know they love their sauces. There’s a whole aisle of sauce choices (right next to the aisle dedicated to calling salt anything but salt) and it’s hard to know which one is right for you and your family. But may we recommend Stepfather’s Choice? We know it may not be your first choice in sauce, but this family recipe was made with love and just wants you to give it a chance, champ.
Keep in mind, despite its sensitive messaging on the bottle, this is a habanero garlic hot sauce, so...buyer beware. But also, buyer be happy because it’s actually pretty good!
Tastes like: Love and support from someone you least expected
Recommended for: Taste buds that want to go out with a bang! 🥵
Available in-store only!
Of all of their products, this and the tattoo chicken are the two things that really throw people into a frenzy, as if they’ve actually gone out to pus a goat (?) or tat a chicken. It does say lemonade on the bottle, but we completely understand that customers are skeptical. There are quite a few eyebrow-raising things about Omega Mart, but the Vegan Goat Pus isn’t one of them. It’s a classic lemonade that you don’t have to feel bad about enjoying because it’s cruelty-free. No goats were pussed during the making of this product.
Tastes like: A delicious alternative to nature’s thickest drink
Recommended for: People who don’t ask too many questions 🐐
Omega Mart’s signature cola may be just the thing that skyrockets them to soda fame. It’s carbonated. It’s caffeinated. It drives the customers wild. We are now believers! Omega Cola is smooth and has a cream soda finish that is the definition of surprise and delight.
Tastes like: Heaven!
Recommended for: Anyone who’s looking to experience Nirvana 😌
Curious about other products? Our team has done the painstaking work of trying dozens of products. Watch their live reactions on our YouTube page.
Have an Omega Day!