6 Tasty Products at Omega Mart You Have to Try!

Finally...products that are safe for human consumption from Omega Mart.

Ashley Roberts

August 31, 2021

Overheard at Omega Mart:

Are these products for sale?

Can I actually eat this though?

What the hell is going on here?

We’ve already answered the first question, and we legally cannot answer the third one, so that leaves us with...can I eat this? And if IT’S YES, how does it taste?

We know it can be overwhelming perusing the aisles not knowing if you can purchase, what to purchase or what to expect when you do purchase. We’ve all held a tempting box of Oh! Those! and considered how the screws inside might taste only to realize that when you shake it, the box is actually empty. It’s easy to confuse the products at Omega Mart for real food which is why we’ve taken the liberty of trying a selection of products to ensure they’re both consumable and delicious!

In no particular order...

1. Zalg

Image of Zalg an apple juice with on the Omega Mart shelf. The bottle is see through with a light brown liquid. There is a carrot-like vegetable with multiple arms on the label, and ZALG is written in large red letters. The label reads “Zalg, Water, Heath Mix. All Natural processed zalg juice, 100% pure harvest from Plenty Valley, USA. Something in every bottle. #PureZalgLife” — *Zalg, America’s Forgotten Vegetable, Now in Liquid Form*

America’s forgotten vegetable becomes America’s favorite apple juice! Its consistency is thicker than you might expect, and the taste is reminiscent of cider made fresh at your favorite orchard.

Tastes like: Your favorite childhood apple

Recommended for: Zalg lovers of all ages! 🧃

2. Prickly Pear Soda

row of glass bottles with a bright pink label. The top of the label reads “Future Fantasy Delight” in bold black letters. Underneath, there’s a person with prickly pears sticking out of their head and they are drinking a bottle of soda — *Prickly Pear Soda. Bottle Design by Nico Salazar*

We were already obsessed with this bottle’s artwork — created by Nico Salazar of Future Fantasy Delight — and the contents do not disappoint either. No dyes. No high-fructose corn syrup. Just the light and refreshing taste of thorny fruit flavor!

Tastes like: Damn, that’s good!

Recommended for: Taste buds that love to party! 🥳

Buy Prickly Pear Soda Now!

3. Gummy Pickle

a green plastic package that has a photo of a large gummy pickle. There are several pickles flying around on the packaging and an exclamation that reads “REAL PICKLE TASTE!” — *Gummy Pickle*

We’ll admit to being hesitant about this one. The pickle lover in us was excited, but with words like “Gummy” and “Pickle” we had so many questions. What percentage of this was pickle? What percentage was gummy? Did it have an initial pickle crunch followed by a sweet, gummy chew?

As it turns out, it was all of none of the above. First, we attempted to split this pickle by cutting into it. 20 minutes later, we began to have regrets. Once it was finally cut into 3 pieces, the real journey began. It’s certainly chewy, so that part of the gummy promise was upheld. There was also a nice burst of pickle flavor in each chew, but it was mixed with an unexpected sour apple taste that really threw us off. Overall? Good for those who love pickles AND sour green apples, but if you’re not a fan of one or the other...you’re in for a long night.

Tastes like: Picklapples

Recommended for: Singles or couples that possess butcher knives 🍴because this was not an easy one to share

Available in-store only!

4. Stepfather’s Choice

Several Original Family Recipe sauces are displayed on a shelf. In the center is Stepfather’s Choice. The flavor is Lonely Habanero. The label is a photo of a man in a cutoff sleeve red flannel shirt leaned against an old sporty car. He has a handlebar mustache and beard. Underneath his photo, the label reads Non-Toxic Vertebrate Sauce. — *Stepfather’s Choice & Other Original Family Recipe SaucesPhoto by Caitlin LeMoine*

If you’ve ever walked through the aisles of Omega Mart, you know they love their sauces. There’s a whole aisle of sauce choices (right next to the aisle dedicated to calling salt anything but salt) and it’s hard to know which one is right for you and your family. But may we recommend Stepfather’s Choice? We know it may not be your first choice in sauce, but this family recipe was made with love and just wants you to give it a chance, champ.

Keep in mind, despite its sensitive messaging on the bottle, this is a habanero garlic hot sauce, so...buyer beware. But also, buyer be happy because it’s actually pretty good!

Tastes like: Love and support from someone you least expected

Recommended for: Taste buds that want to go out with a bang! 🥵

Available in-store only!

5. Vegan Goat Pus

Vegan Goat Pus. Photo by Caitlin LeMoine

‍Of all of their products, this and the tattoo chicken are the two things that really throw people into a frenzy, as if they’ve actually gone out to pus a goat (?) or tat a chicken. It does say lemonade on the bottle, but we completely understand that customers are skeptical. There are quite a few eyebrow-raising things about Omega Mart, but the Vegan Goat Pus isn’t one of them. It’s a classic lemonade that you don’t have to feel bad about enjoying because it’s cruelty-free. No goats were pussed during the making of this product.

Tastes like: A delicious alternative to nature’s thickest drink

Recommended for: People who don’t ask too many questions 🐐

Buy Vegan Goat Pus Now!

6. Omega Cola ‍

‍

Glass bottles of Omega Cola on the shelf. The label is bright yellow and red, with a large yellow Omega arch in the center. Underneath the arch in all capital white letters, it reads “COLA.” There are several carbon bubbles floating from bottom to top. — *Omega Cola*

Omega Mart’s signature cola may be just the thing that skyrockets them to soda fame. It’s carbonated. It’s caffeinated. It drives the customers wild. We are now believers! Omega Cola is smooth and has a cream soda finish that is the definition of surprise and delight.

Tastes like: Heaven!

Recommended for: Anyone who’s looking to experience Nirvana 😌

Buy Omega Cola Now!

Curious about other products? Our team has done the painstaking work of trying dozens of products. Watch their live reactions on our YouTube page.

In between bites, you can also find us on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram.

Have an Omega Day!